Last week, Queerty posted an article proclaiming, “The Hallmark Channel is gayer than ever this year!” This is followed by a massive list of exactly THREE movies that they consider gay. The first one, Catch Me If You Claus stars Luke Macfarlane in his 16th movie for the network. Yes, the Bros co-star is gay in real life, but the character in the film is not. Kudos to him for continuing to be cast in straight roles, but… do we then count this as a gay film?
The second movie on their list, Christmas on Cherry Lane is an ensemble piece that includes a gay couple. Jonathan Bennett, Hallmark’s go-to gay actor for gay roles plays opposite Vincent Rodriguez III. It airs December 9th.
The third film, Friends and Family Christmas centers on lesbian friends (Humberly Gonzalez & Ali Liebert) who must pose as a couple for the holidays… and you’ll never guess what happens! This one premieres on December 17th.
So there you have it. As a reminder: The Hallmark Channel is premiering 42 – FORTY-TWO – new Hallmark Christmas movies this season. And we’re supposed to kvell because TWO of them are gay-ish? Honey, please.
Since 2020, a few of these gay disposable holiday films have dribbled out every holiday season– not just on The Hallmark Channel but also on Lifetime, Netflix and elsewhere. I’m not here to crap on the genre, but there is a conveyor belt feel to these films. With the similar actors, sets, and plots, it can be hard to remember which one had which fading star of yesteryear playing the mom. Obviously if I didn’t get some enjoyment out of watching them, I wouldn’t tune in. But I don’t go all in for them, either. Please give me some combination of humor, wit, chemistry between the romantic leads, decent acting and/or a plot twist and I’ll stick with it. Maybe I will watch it again next year, if I can remember the title and what channel it was on.
Here’s a list I put together last year to try to keep these movies straight, so to speak. It’s not definitive and I apologize for any omissions.
1) The Xmas Setup (2020) – Lifetime
Older star playing a parent: Fran Drescher
Romantic chemistry? Yes – this real-life couple generate a believable amount of TV movie warmth.
The Christmas Setup follows the story of New York lawyer Hugo (Ben Lewis) who heads to Milwaukee with his best friend Madelyn (Ellen Wong) to spend the holidays with his mom Kate (Fran Drescher). Kate arranges for Hugo to run into Patrick (Blake Lee), his high school friend and secret crush, who has recently returned after a successful stint in Silicon Valley. Hijinks begin.
2) Dashing In December (2020) – Paramount+
Older star playing a parent: Andie McDowell
Romantic chemistry? Some. I guess. It’s an enjoyable movie but I don’t see these boys staying together.
After Wyatt (Peter Porte) comes home for the holidays to try to convince his mother (Andie MacDowell) to sell the family’s Colorado ranch, he finds romance with the dashing new ranch hand (Juan Pablo Di Pace) who dreams of saving the property and its magical Winter Wonderland attraction.
It’s a nice surprise to see Andie McDowell here, but I am reminded of when comedienne Paula Poundstone once described her face as “an egg with a smile drawn on it.”
3) Happiest Season (2020) – Netflix
Older stars playing the parents: Mary Steenburgen & Victor Garber
Sapphic chemistry? Yes, but not between the two that we’re supposed to root for.
This is the one with Kristen Stewart, Aubrey Plaza & Dan Levy. Stewart’s girlfriend invites her home for Christmas but fails to mention that she’s not out to her family and they must pretend to be friends. Hilarity ensues. A cut above Lifetime/Hallmark movies but I’m including it because it satisfies the same itch. Same genre, but overall higher quality thanks to the cast and Clea Duvall’s writing & direction. One caveat: I wanted Kristen Stewart’s character to end up with Aubrey Plaza. But that doesn’t fit the formula, does it?
4) The Christmas House (2020) – Hallmark
Older stars playing the parents: Treat Williams & Sharon Lawrence
Romantic chemistry? The gay married couple is peripheral here, so it’s not required. They’re fine.
This was the first Hallmark movie to feature a gay couple, even if they are supporting players. Jonathan Bennett is the gay son with Brad Harder as the devoted husband. They want to adopt kids – that’s their side plot. The straight brother has the romantic interest storyline, while the parents have decided to give up their traditional grand ole “Christmas House” which, like all the other houses in these movies, looks like a realtor’s model home with decorations recently purchased at Kohl’s.
5) The Christmas House 2: Deck Those Halls (2021) – Hallmark
Older stars playing the parents: Same as above. R.I.P. Treat Williams. ☹
Romantic chemistry? Maybe I’m being a sap, but this couple grew on me.
The sequel to the above film. This time the brothers are competing on a reality show to create the best Christmas House. It’s harmless fun.
6) Clusterfünke Christmas (2021) – Comedy Central
“A no-nonsense hotel exec buys a family inn in northern Maine, but the town’s Christmas spirit clashes with her cosmopolitan values.” This one’s actually a spoof of the genre written by and co-starring Rachel Dratch & Ana Gasteyer as the innkeepers. Out actor Cheyenne Jackson plays the straight romantic lead. If Queerty can claim the Luke Macfarlane movie as gay, then we get this one, if not for Jackson, then just for pure camp value.
7) Under The Christmas Tree (2021) – Lifetime
Older stars playing the parents: Wendy Crewson & Enrico Colantoni. Ricki Lake is also on hand.
Sapphic Chemistry? Yes
As described in Vulture: Lifetime’s new and first-ever lesbian Christmas movie is a legitimately good queer film in which the main character, Alma (Elise Bauman), is not only accepted by her Maine-based, small-Christmas-business-owner parents for being a lesbian but encouraged to fall in love with out-of-town stranger Charlie (Tattiawna Jones). Cheesy as it is, the premise is as sweet as it is predictable with plenty of fun, memorable scenes and unexpected moments thrown in.”
8) Single All The Way (2021) – Netflix
Older stars playing the parents: Kathy Najimy & Barry Bostwick with Jennifer Coolidge as the diva aunt.
Romantic chemistry? Yes
Peter (Michael Urie) finds out his boyfriend is married. They break up and he invites his best friend home with him for Christmas to pretend they’re a couple. His mom tries to set him up with Luke Macfarlane anyway. You’ll never guess who he ends up with. This one beat out Under The Christmas Tree to win the GLAAD Media Award for Outstanding TV Movie. Probably the best of the bunch, and not just for this monologue:
9) The Holiday Sitter (2022) – Hallmark
Older stars playing the parents: NONE
Romantic chemistry? Not that I recall.
Another Hallmark movie with resident gay Jonathan Bennett. Now he’s a workaholic from the big city who gets stuck watching his sister’s kids because of a snowstorm and she’s pregnant and going into labor or something. He recruits hunky neighbor Jason (George Krissa) to shepherd the precocious children through an endless list of absolutely necessary holiday activities. Bennett’s first major role years ago was in the movie Mean Girls. He also co-wrote this script, in which he actually tells the family dog “Stop trying to make ‘fetch’ happen.” I have nothing more to say.
10) A Christmas To Treasure (2022) – Lifetime
Older stars playing the parents: Nobody I recognize. Maybe they’re big in Canada?
Romantic chemistry? NONE.
A real-life gay couple with no chemistry try to find a hidden treasure… before it’s too late! 33-year-old Tyler Frey and 41-year-old Kyle Dean Massey are supposed to be high school sweethearts reunited with each other and their friends: two racially diverse straight couples. Everyone’s on an elaborate treasure hunt somehow engineered by a beloved frail old neighbor just before she croaked. However, nobody really needs the money except Frey, who wants to save the grand ole Marley house (again, a model home decorated at Kohl’s.) Someone actually says “I don’t need the money. I’m here for the cocoa.”
This one broke me. Who are these people? This movie is a painful reminder that a film can be racially diverse, but it certainly isn’t class-wise. If everyone’s so damn rich, why don’t they just give Frey the money to save the house? This one caused me to take a long break from viewing these movies. But now it’s a new season, and here we are.
Happy Holigays!
See also:
The 60 Degrees Girl Group Christmas Show
The Christmas In Connecticut Delivery Woman
Mach Of The Wooden Soldiers: 10 Things You May Not Know
Sunshine & Tinsel: A Canine Christmas Tail
Dusting Off The Holiday Favorites (2023)
Len & Cub: A Relationship In Photos
We Got Hitched
Yes Virginia, There Is A Spotify Playlist
A Christmas Without Miracles: The 1987 Motown Xmas Special
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