Comedy – Brian Ferrari's Blog

March of the Wooden Soldiers: 10 Things You May Not Know About The Classic Film

It’s hard to believe that the Laurel & Hardy holiday classic March of the Wooden Soldiers debuted 91 years ago. Originally released as Babes In Toyland on Nov. 30, 1934, the holiday perennial was based on Victor Herbert’s popular 1903 operetta. The film came out of Hal Roach studios and was co-directed by Gus Meins and Charles Rogers.

Here’s the trailer:

I originally posted this celebration of the film on the 85th Anniversary. Here is an updated and expanded version:

10 Things You May Not Know About March of The Wooden Soldiers

1) In addition to Babes In Toyland, the film was also re-released under several different titles, including Laurel and Hardy in Toyland and Revenge Is Sweet. This was sometimes due to the estate of Victor Herbert withholding rights to the original title. In the book March of the Wooden Soldiers: The Amazing Story of Laurel & Hardy’s Babes In Toyland, Randy Skretvedt writes; “Ella Herbert Bartlett detested the film and didn’t want the name Babes In Toyland to be further besmirched by its association with Laurel and Hardy.”

2) Although the 1934 film includes many of the characters in the original operetta, the plot is almost completely different. Six musical numbers from the original stage score are featured: “Toyland”, “Never Mind Bo-Peep”, “Castle in Spain”, “Go to Sleep (Slumber Deep)” and the instrumental “March of the Toys”. Additionally, an instrumental version of “I Can’t Do The Sum” is used to underscore many scenes.

3) The villainous Silas Barnaby was played by 22-year-old Henry Kleinbach. He later changed his name to Henry Brandon and appeared in over 100 films throughout his 60 year career.

Brandon played essentially the same character as an opera impresario who torments poor, poor Alfalfa in Our Gang Follies of 1938.

20 years later he played Acacious Page in film Auntie Mame.

Another fun fact: Brandon’s partner for the last 25+ years of his life was Mark Herron, who was briefly the 4th husband of Judy Garland.

In 2018, Bill Cassara and Richard S. Greene published Henry Brandon: King Of The Bogeymen.

You can also find out more about Henry Brandon here

Laurel & Hardy introduce Spanky to “pee wees” in this promotional photo shoot.

One of the most popular Our Gang / Little Rascals shorts, Mama’s Little Pirate was filmed the same year and has an extended sequence shot in the caves of Bogeyland. Gus Meins directed both films.

Another Our Gang connection: two graduates of the silent era, Johnny Downs and Jean Darling appear as Little Boy Blue and Curly Locks:

*Johnny Downs and Jean Darling as Little Boy Blue and Curly Locks*

*Queen of Hearts Alice Moore with a couple of Little Rascals.*

5) Felix Knight played romantic lead Tom Tom and fell in love with co-star Alice Moore, who played the Queen of Hearts. They were married the following year.

Behind the scenes, l-r: Alice Moore (Queen Of Hearts) Charley Rodgers (Simple Simon and the film’s co-director), Felix Knight (Tom Tom), Charlotte Henry (Bo-Peep) and Henry Brandon (Barnaby). Note the Three Little Pigs masks and padding hanging in the background.

Knight also appeared with Laurel and Hardy in their 1936 film – The Bohemian Girl:

6) Marie Wilson makes an early film appearance as Mary Quite Contrary. Her later work in film, radio and television (most notably My Friend Irma) garnered her three stars on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame.

“NO, I haven’t seen them!” Marie Wilson as Mary Quite Contrary

7) Who’s Afraid Of The Big Bad Wolf? An instrumental version of this song is used to underscore scenes with the Three Little Pigs. However, the song is not from the Babes In Toyland operetta – it was originally featured in the 1933 Disney short Three Little Pigs and has been covered by everyone (surprisingly) from Barbra Streisand to LL Cool J.

8) About those pigs…. Elmer, the kidnapped pig was played by a little person – 2′ 11″ Angelo Rossito. He appeared in 70 films spanning from the silent film era to his role as “The Master” in Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome (1985).

*Angelo Rossitto in* Freaks (1932) and Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome *(1985)*

The two other pigs were played by child actors:

Payne B. Johnson has said that he was cast as Jiggs because, unlike the other children auditioning, he didn’t complain about the heavy mask and padding. Although only four years old, this was his eleventh film credit. He would later appear in a handful of Our Gang shorts, including Our Gang Follies of 1938 with Henry Brandon.

As of 2025, he is the last surviving major player from the film.

*Edward Earle Marsh toured as a child prodigy pianist/composer.*

And THIS little piggy…. was a porn star! Willie was played by Edward Earle Marsh, a child prodigy pianist/composer who later performed on Broadway with the stage name Edward Earle. In 1969, he reinvented himself as Zebedy Colt, a gay cabaret singer. He kept the name as he directed and performed in both straight and gay adult films through the 1970’s & 80’s.

Someone needs to write a book about this guy.

9) The film became a broadcast television staple on Thanksgiving and Christmas Day in the early 1960’s. I grew up watching the film on NYC’s WPIX Channel 11, which continues to air the film to this day. In 1990 they switched to the colorized version, and in 2018, due to viewer requests, they began airing restored black and white and colorized versions at different times during the day.

Some may remember a shorter version of the film airing on television years ago. This 73-minute edit was trimmed for theatrical re-release in 1950. Due to the objections of Victor Herbert’s estate mentioned above, the title of the film was changed and the opening sequence shortened to omit “Babes In Toyland” from Mother Goose’s book.

Motion picture censors in 1950 objected to the unmarried Tom Tom and Bo Peep snoozing together at the end of the song “Go to Sleep (Slumber Deep).” The whole sequence was cut.

This edited version of the film had fallen into public domain and was broadcast on television in the 1980’s. Any susequent restored prints or colorized versions of the film run at the original 79 minute length.

If it isn’t broadcast in your area, you can watch the full movie here:

10) Bearing in mind that the source material is the original operetta and not this film, there have been numerous wildly different versions of Babes In Toyland:

Between 1950 and 1960, there were three television productions broadcast during Christmas seasons, including one featuring Barbara Cook and Dennis Day in 1955.

Walt Disney’s Technicolor™ 1961 film version starred Annette Funicello and Ray Bolger.

A 1986 made-for-television version featured Drew Barrymore, Keanu Reeves and “a royal legion of tacky trolls” with only two songs from the Victor Herbert score, a new plot, and new songs by Leslie Bricusse.

Click the link to see the full movie on Youtube:

An 1997 animated film version, with a new plot and only one of the original songs, featured the voices of Christopher Plummer and Lacey Chabert.

These other versions come and go, but none feature Stannie Dum and Ollie Dee… a gay wedding… nightmare-inducing pig masks … a monkey inside a knockoff Mickey Mouse costume… or carpet-clad Bogeymen with visible zippers and padding.

Join me in wishing a happy 91st birthday to a Hollywood holiday classic!

For more information, I highly recommend the book March of the Wooden Soldiers: The Amazing Story of Laurel & Hardy’s Babes In Toyland by Randy Skretvedt.

Madame Spivy: Why Don’t You?

Ladies and Gentleman, it is time once again to revisit that late great dynamic lady of song, Madame Spivy LeVoe (1906-1971), also known simply as Spivy. A lesbian entertainer, nightclub owner and character actress, Spivy has been described as “The Female Noel Coward” – to which I add “…. if he had been born in Brooklyn as Bertha Levine.”

*Spivy photographed by Carl Van Vechten (1932)*

In case you missed them, here are the previous Madame Spivy posts:
T he Alley Cat
The Tarantella
Auntie’s Face
100% American Girls
A Tropical Fish
I Brought Culture to Buffalo In The 90’s
I Didn’t Do A Thing Last Night
Madame Spivy: Movies & Television
Madame Spivy on the Good Time Sallies Podcast

“Why Don’t You?” is the fifth side profiled here from her 1939 album Seven Gay Sophisticated Songs. Spivy is credited with composing the music, with lyrics by Everett Marcy, who also penned “I Brought Culture to Buffalo In The 90’s”.

Marcy had a few Broadway writing credits including New Faces of 1936. It was Marcy who wrote the oft-repeated line introduced in the show by Imogene Coca: “I must get out of these wet clothes and into a dry martini.”

The song “Why Don’t You?” refers to Diana Vreeland’s column of the same name in Harper’s Bazaar magazine. It was full of random “imaginative” suggestions such as “Why don’t you wash your blond child’s hair in dead champagne, as they do in France?”

Some of the notables of the day that are referenced in the song:

Vera Zorina – a ballerina, actress, and the second wife of George Balanchine.

Cecil Beaton – photographer, diarist, painter, interior designer, and an Oscar-winning costume designer.

Elsa Maxwell – a gossip columnist, radio personality, and professional hostess renowned for her high society parties.

“The Zerbes and Bebees” refers to the original paparazzi photographer Jerome Zerbe (1904-88) and syndicated society columnist Lucius Beebe (1902-1966). The two were a couple through the 1930’s.

Peggy Hopkins Joyce – an actress and socialite, notorious for her flamboyant lifestyle with numerous affairs, engagements and six marriages.

Clifton Webb – a character actor best known for his thinly veiled “sissy” supporting roles.

Why Don’t You?

Today when all the headlines full of red lines and bread lines confuse you
And the world seems bleak, don’t be blue.
In Harper’s they have a column, very smart and very solemn that will amuse you.
It asks you little questions to give you smart suggestions how you, too can reek with chic
like the most ultra-clique, and they call it “Why Don’t You?” It asks you…

Why don’t you have your ermine muff wired for sound and use it weekends as a concertina?
Why don’t you give a charity ball for the Princeton Club and raffle off Vera Zorina?

Why don’t you throw your mother an occasional bone?
Why don’t you try sleeping alone?
Why don’t you take the pretty blue check you won at bridge and kite it?
Why don’t you dip your head in brandy and light it?

Why don’t you try wearing gold sandals backwards just for the sheer agony of it?
Why don’t you send last year’s negligée to Cecil Beaton? He’d love it.
So they want you to try decorating your flat with bundles of hay…
Well they know what they can do with Harper’s, why don’t they?

Why don’t you try going to Elsa Maxwell’s parties as yourself for a change?
Why don’t you try wearing a hat that won’t make your husband look strange?
Why don’t you develop a bright smile by putting an electric bulb behind each tooth?
Why don’t you give a testimonial dinner for Hitler in a telephone booth?

Why don’t you get out of town before you come down with a compound case of heebie jeebies?
Why don’t you listen to the birds and bees instead of the Zerbes and Bebees?
So they want you to roll up your rugs and cover your floors with broccoli on the first warm day.
Well they know what they can do with Vogue too…. Why don’t they?

Why don’t you have a stag line composed of the ex-husbands of Peggy Hopkins Joyce?
Why don’t you cross breed carrier pigeons with parrots so they can deliver messages by voice?
Why don’t you try throwing Clifton Webb over your left shoulder and making a wish?
Why don’t you fill your guest’s finger bowls with invisible tropical fish?

Why don’t you try opening your eyes in the middle of a kiss?
Why don’t you cancel your subscriptions to magazines like this?
Why don’t you tear everything off your hat and stamp on it?
Why don’t you take out a homestead in Montana and go “camp” on it?

So they want you to promise to slap your own face two hundred times a day?
Well tell them you’ll have none of it.
Tell them you’re through with their “Things To Do” and they can all take their Harper’s and… love it.

Your Guide To Disposable Gay Holiday Movies

Last week, Queerty posted an article proclaiming, “The Hallmark Channel is gayer than ever this year!” This is followed by a massive list of exactly THREE movies that they consider gay. The first one, Catch Me If You Claus stars Luke Macfarlane in his 16^th movie for the network. Yes, the Bros co-star is gay in real life, but the character in the film is not. Kudos to him for continuing to be cast in straight roles, but… do we then count this as a gay film?

The second movie on their list, Christmas on Cherry Lane is an ensemble piece that includes a gay couple. Jonathan Bennett, Hallmark’s go-to gay actor for gay roles plays opposite Vincent Rodriguez III. It airs December 9^th.

The third film, Friends and Family Christmas centers on lesbian friends (Humberly Gonzalez & Ali Liebert) who must pose as a couple for the holidays… and you’ll never guess what happens! This one premieres on December 17^th.

So there you have it. As a reminder: The Hallmark Channel is premiering 42 – FORTY-TWO – new Hallmark Christmas movies this season. And we’re supposed to kvell because TWO of them are gay-ish? Honey, please.

Since 2020, a few of these gay disposable holiday films have dribbled out every holiday season– not just on The Hallmark Channel but also on Lifetime, Netflix and elsewhere. I’m not here to crap on the genre, but there is a conveyor belt feel to these films. With the similar actors, sets, and plots, it can be difficult to remember which one had which fading star of yesteryear playing the mom. Obviously if I didn’t get some enjoyment out of watching them, I wouldn’t tune in. But I don’t go all in for them, either. Please give me a combination of humor, wit, romantic chemistry, decent acting and/or a plot twist and I’ll stick with it. Check off more than a couple of those boxes and I might watch it again next year… if I can remember the title and what channel it was on.

Here’s a list I put together last year to try to keep these movies straight, so to speak. It’s not definitive and I apologize for any omissions.

1) The Xmas Setup (2020) – Lifetime

Older star playing a parent: Fran Drescher
Romantic chemistry? Yes – this real-life couple generate a believable amount of TV movie warmth.

The Christmas Setup follows the story of New York lawyer Hugo (Ben Lewis) who heads to Milwaukee with his best friend Madelyn (Ellen Wong) to spend the holidays with his mom Kate (Fran Drescher). Kate arranges for Hugo to run into Patrick (Blake Lee), his high school friend and secret crush, who has recently returned after a successful stint in Silicon Valley. Hijinks begin.

2) Dashing In December (2020) – Paramount+

Older star playing a parent: Andie McDowell
Romantic chemistry? Some. I guess. It’s an enjoyable movie but I don’t see these boys staying together.

After Wyatt (Peter Porte) comes home for the holidays to try to convince his mother (Andie MacDowell) to sell the family’s Colorado ranch, he finds romance with the dashing new ranch hand (Juan Pablo Di Pace) who dreams of saving the property and its magical Winter Wonderland attraction.

It’s a nice surprise to see Andie McDowell here, but I am reminded of when comedienne Paula Poundstone described her face as “an egg with a smile drawn on it.”

3) Happiest Season (2020) – Netflix

Older stars playing the parents: Mary Steenburgen & Victor Garber
Sapphic chemistry? Yes, but not between the two that we’re supposed to root for.

This is the one with Kristen Stewart, Aubrey Plaza & Dan Levy. Stewart’s girlfriend invites her home for Christmas but fails to mention that she’s not out to her family and they must pretend to be friends. Hilarity ensues. A cut above Lifetime/Hallmark movies but I’m including it because it satisfies the same itch. Same genre, but overall higher quality thanks to the cast and Clea Duvall’s writing & direction. One caveat: I wanted Kristen Stewart’s character to end up with Aubrey Plaza. But that doesn’t fit the formula, does it?

4) The Christmas House (2020) – Hallmark

Older stars playing the parents: Treat Williams & Sharon Lawrence
Romantic chemistry? The gay married couple is peripheral here, so it’s not required. They’re fine.

This was the first Hallmark movie to feature a gay couple, even if they are supporting players. Jonathan Bennett is the gay son with Brad Harder as the devoted husband. They want to adopt kids – that’s their side plot. The straight brother has the romantic interest storyline, while the parents have decided to give up their traditional grand ole “Christmas House” which, like all the other houses in these movies, looks like a realtor’s model home with decorations recently purchased at Kohl’s.

5) The Christmas House 2: Deck Those Halls (2021) – Hallmark

Older stars playing the parents: Same as above. R.I.P. Treat Williams. ☹
Romantic chemistry? Maybe I’m being a sap, but this couple grew on me.

The sequel to the above film. This time the brothers are competing on a reality show to create the best Christmas House. It’s harmless fun.

6) Clusterfünke Christmas (2021) – Comedy Central

“A no-nonsense hotel exec buys a family inn in northern Maine, but the town’s Christmas spirit clashes with her cosmopolitan values.” This one’s actually a spoof of the genre written by and co-starring Rachel Dratch & Ana Gasteyer as the innkeepers. Out actor Cheyenne Jackson plays the straight romantic lead. If Queerty can claim the Luke Macfarlane movie as gay, then we get this one, if not for Jackson, then just for pure camp value.

7) Under The Christmas Tree (2021) – Lifetime

Older stars playing the parents: Wendy Crewson & Enrico Colantoni. Ricki Lake is also on hand.
Sapphic Chemistry? Yes

As described in Vulture: Lifetime’s new and first-ever lesbian Christmas movie is a legitimately good queer film in which the main character, Alma (Elise Bauman), is not only accepted by her Maine-based, small-Christmas-business-owner parents for being a lesbian but encouraged to fall in love with out-of-town stranger Charlie (Tattiawna Jones). Cheesy as it is, the premise is as sweet as it is predictable with plenty of fun, memorable scenes and unexpected moments thrown in.”

8) Single All The Way (2021) – Netflix

Older stars playing the parents: Kathy Najimy & Barry Bostwick with Jennifer Coolidge as the diva aunt.
Romantic chemistry? Yes

Peter (Michael Urie) finds out his boyfriend is married. They break up and he invites his best friend home with him for Christmas to pretend they’re a couple. His mom tries to set him up with Luke Macfarlane anyway. You’ll never guess who he ends up with. This one beat out Under The Christmas Tree to win the GLAAD Media Award for Outstanding TV Movie. Probably the best of the bunch, and not just for this monologue:

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9) The Holiday Sitter (2022) – Hallmark

Older stars playing the parents: NONE
Romantic chemistry? Not that I recall.

Another Hallmark movie with resident gay Jonathan Bennett. Now he’s a workaholic from the big city who gets stuck watching his sister’s kids because of a snowstorm and she’s pregnant and going into labor or something. He recruits hunky neighbor Jason (George Krissa) to shepherd the precocious children through an endless list of absolutely necessary holiday activities. Bennett’s first major role years ago was in the movie Mean Girls. He also co-wrote this script, in which he actually tells the family dog “Stop trying to make ‘fetch’ happen.” I have nothing more to say.

10) A Christmas To Treasure (2022) – Lifetime

Older stars playing the parents: Nobody I recognize. Maybe they’re big in Canada?
Romantic chemistry? NONE.

A real-life gay couple with no chemistry try to find a hidden treasure… before it’s too late! 33-year-old Tyler Frey and 41-year-old Kyle Dean Massey are supposed to be high school sweethearts reunited with each other and their friends: two racially diverse straight couples. Everyone’s on an elaborate treasure hunt somehow engineered by a beloved frail old neighbor just before she croaked. However, nobody really needs the money except Frey, who wants to save the grand ole Marley house (again, a model home decorated at Kohl’s.) Someone actually says “I don’t need the money. I’m here for the cocoa.”

This one broke me. Who are these people? This movie is a painful reminder that a film can be racially diverse, but it certainly isn’t class-wise. If everyone’s so damn rich, why don’t they just give Frey the money to save the house? This one caused me to take a long break from viewing these movies. But now it’s a new season, and here we are.

Happy Holigays!

David on The Robin Byrd Show

The recent brouhaha over exposing Michelangelo’s David to impressionable Florida public school children reminded me of the classic sculpture’s 1998 appearance on Robin Byrd‘s Men For Men. For those outside of Manhattan, this was a late night cable TV show featuring strippers and adult film entertainers that aired nearly every night of the week. Apparently, poor Dave had fallen on hard times and was shaking his marbles for cash on 8th Avenue. At least that was the way it appeared on my public access show, Bri-Guy’s Media Surf.

I have written about Media Surf in the past – it ran on Manhattan Neighborhood Network from 1997-2007. In the early years, I created short segments using stop-motion with my video camera. Most featured a portly salt shaker named Maria. After a while I grew tired of the time consuming technique. David’s striptease was one of the last that I created.

@briguyf
#michaelangelosdavid
♬ original sound – Brian Ferrari

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTNMWMFHs/

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/\ /\ I’m leaving this here to show how ridiculous YouTube is. /\ /\

I wanted to utilize my set of David refrigerator magnets on a red metal background. It had to be metal for the magnetic properties, and the red would emulate the lurid background on Robin’s show. I was still trying to figure out how to execute this when I came home one day to find that the apartment doors in my building had been re-painted glossy red. Perfect! I propped my door open, set up my camera tripod and went about creating the frame-by-frame striptease. Luckily I lived on the top floor and was uninterrupted by puzzled neighbors wondering what the hell I was doing.

In the version that aired 25 years ago, David was dancing to Madonna’s “Erotica” – a song that every third performer on Robin Byrd’s show seemed to use at the time. Unfortunately, Madge and Warner Brothers Music are most intolerant of the unauthorized use of their recordings. Rather than risk having the video removed from social media platforms, I switched it out. David now shimmies to Man Parrish / Man 2 Man’s “Male Stripper,” a much better choice of song that I wish I had used in the first place.

I was planning to use a clip of Robin’s generic “Lie back, get comfortable” guest introduction and then cut to David’s performance. It was pure luck that I happened to be recording her show one night when she introduced a guest named “David.” Sometimes the stars align to help create a classic piece of work. 😉

¿Dónde Está Santa Claus (& Augie Rios)?

When I was a child in the 1970’s, one of my favorite pastimes was playing my parents’ old discarded 45s on my Fisher Price record player. One single that received considerable airplay was a Christmas record by Augie Rios called “Ol’ Fatso,” which featured a sassy child giving Santa Claus a hard time with the repetitive chorus of “Don’t care who you are Ol’ Fatso / keep those reindeer off the roof.” What’s not to love?

The flip side of this blue Metro 45 with the lion on the label was another Christmas song: “¿Dónde Está Santa Claus?” I would later learn that this was actually the “a” side of the record. At that age, I had to rely upon my own underdeveloped musical tastes to figure out which side was the hit. For this reason, I am still partial to Dusty Springfield’s self-penned b-side “Something Special” over the faux-Spector bombast of “Stay Awhile.”

As you can imagine, the rather un-PC “Ol Fatso” does not get covered a whole lot. Or at all. “¿Dónde Está Santa Claus?” on the other hand, has some other versions that have become favorites of mine.

Toni Stante (aka Antoinette Binastante) released a version on the Parkway label in 1965. This single has been the highlight of my Girl Group Christmas playlist for many years.

Later in the 60’s, The Thomas Sisters recorded what is now my favorite version. It is harder to find, though: It’s not on Spotify and keeps getting removed from YouTube. We’ll see how long this link remains active:

Other notable covers of the song: Charo’s 12″ disco version and the band Guster’s 2004 take of the tune.

But back to the original version and our titular question: ¿Dónde Está Augie Rios?

Augustine Rios was born in 1946, the son of Puerto Rican immigrant factory workers living in New York City. He began performing at a young age and had made some local television appearances before being cast as Lena Horne’s little brother in the 1957 Broadway musical Jamaica, which also starred Ricardo Montalban and Ossie Davis. The role was originally only a few lines but Augie was such a standout in the out-of-town performances that it was expanded. By the time they hit Broadway, he was sixth on the cast list among his well-established co-stars.

*Broadway cast recording of* Jamaica with Augie Rios, Ricardo Montalban and Ossie Davis (1957)

Augie had been in Jamaica for over a year when he cut his first single for Metro records. “¿Dónde Está Santa Claus? was co-written by his manager, George Scheck and released just before Christmas, 1958.

Jamaica continued its run on Broadway for a year and a half, closing in April of 1959. Despite having a hit record and making television appearances during the run of the show, the press noted that Augie had never missed a performance.

*Augie Rios with Carol Lawrence and Howard Keel in* Saratoga (1959)

In December of 1959, Augie appeared as “Shorty” alongside Carol Lawrence and Howard Keel in the Broadway musical Saratoga, an adaption of the Edna Furber novel Saratoga Trunk with music & lyrics by Harold Arlen & Johnny Mercer. Although Cecil Beaton did win a Tony award for costume design, the show was not a success and closed in April of 1960.

Meanwhile, Augie had two follow-up singles released on Metro in 1959, followed by another bilingual Christmas single on MGM in 1960: “Felice Navidades (Merry Christmas To All)”:

Augie continued to work in theatrical productions on tour and in summer stock. He also made numerous television appearances. By 1963, he was performing with his own vocal group, Augie Rios and the Notations. They released a single on Shelley Records followed by two additional solo singles credited to Augie in 1964. Of course there have also been numerous reissues of his original Christmas classic single through the years.

Back in the early 2000’s, I came across an internet post about Augie Rios on a 1950’s music website. Augie himself had responded in the comments section, thanking everyone for their continued interest and also giving an update on what he had been up to in recent years – retired from his post-performance career and still living in the tri-state area. Unfortunately, the website is long gone, so I cannot locate details. His LinkedIn account lists him as “Retired and enjoying life.”

Here’s Augie singing his signature song with friends and family in recent years:

According to several sources, Augie Rios passed away in December 2019, age 73. There is also a memorial video on YouTube with a home audio recording and photo montage of his life.

¡Feliz Navidad Augie Ríos! Gracias por la música.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vIf_tqWFChM

March of the Wooden Soldiers: 10 Things You May Not Know About The Classic Film

UPDATE: This post has been updated and expanded with additional photos HERE.

It’s hard to believe that the Laurel & Hardy holiday classic March of the Wooden Soldiers debuted 88 years ago. Originally released as Babes In Toyland on Nov. 30, 1934, the holiday perennial was based on Victor Herbert’s popular 1903 operetta. The film came out of Hal Roach studios and was co-directed by Gus Meins and Charles Rogers.

Here’s the trailer:

I originally posted this celebration of the film on the 85th Anniversary. Here is an updated version:

10 Things You May Not Know About March of The Wooden Soldiers

1) In addition to Babes In Toyland, the film was also re-released under several different titles, including Laurel and Hardy in Toyland and Revenge Is Sweet.

3) The villainous Silas Barnaby was played by 22 year old Henry Kleinbach. He later changed his name to Henry Brandon and appeared in over 100 films throughout his 60 year career.

Brandon played essentially the same character as an opera impresario who torments poor, poor Alfalfa in Our Gang Follies of 1938.

20 years later he was Acacious Page in Auntie Mame.

Another fun fact: Brandon’s partner for the last 25+ years of his life was Mark Herron, who was briefly married to Judy Garland.

Bill Cassara and Richard S. Greene recently published a book about him.

You can also find out more about Henry Brandon here

4) Our Gang (aka The Little Rascals) also filmed at Hal Roach studios. Several of the kids appear as schoolchildren in Toyland, although not dressed in their Our Gang costumes as in this photo atop Mother Peep’s Shoe-house.

One of the most popular Our Gang / Little Rascals shorts, Mama’s Little Pirate was filmed the same year and has an extended sequence shot in the caves of Bogeyland. Gus Meins directed both films.

Another Our Gang connection: two graduates of the silent era, Johnny Downs and Jean Darling appear as Little Boy Blue and Curly Locks:

5) Felix Knight played romantic lead Tom Tom and fell in love with co-star Alice Moore, who played the Queen of Hearts. They were married the following year.

Knight also appeared with Laurel and Hardy in their 1936 film – The Bohemian Girl:

*“NO I haven’t seen them!” Marie Wilson as Mary Quite Contrary*

7) Who’s Afraid Of The Big Bad Wolf? An instrumental version of this song is used to underscore scenes with the Three Little Pigs. However, the song is not from the Babes In Toyland operetta – it was originally featured in the 1933 Disney short Three Little Pigs and (surprisingly) has been covered by everyone from Barbra Streisand to LL Cool J.

8) About those pigs…. Elmer, the kidnapped pig was played by a little person – 2′ 11″ Angelo Rossito.

The two other pigs were played by child actors:

Payne B. Johnson played Jiggs. As of 2022, he is the last surviving major player from the film.

And THIS little piggy…. was a porn star! Willie was played by Edward Earle Marsh, later a Broadway performer known as Edward Earle. He then reinvented himself as Zebedy Colt, a gay cabaret singer and porn star who appeared in both gay and straight movies through the 1970’s & 80’s.

Someone needs to write a book about this guy.

Some may remember a shorter version of the film airing on television years ago. A 73 minute version that had fallen into public domain was broadcast for a few years in the 1980’s, with the opening “Toyland” song sequence trimmed and the “Go to Sleep (Slumber Deep)” number cut completely. Any restored prints or colorized versions of the film run at the original 79 minute length.

If it isn’t broadcast in your area, you can watch the full movie here:

10) Bearing in mind that the source material is the original operetta and not this film, there have been numerous wildly different versions of Babes In Toyland:

Between 1950 and 1960, there were three television productions broadcast during Christmas seasons, including one featuring Barbara Cook and Dennis Day in 1955.

Walt Disney’s Technicolor™ 1961 film version starred Annette Funicello and Ray Bolger.

An 1997 animated film version, with a new plot and only one of the original songs, featured the voices of Christopher Plummer and Lacey Chabert.

These other versions come and go, but none feature Stannie Dum and Ollie Dee… a gay wedding… nightmare-inducing pig masks … a monkey dressed as a Mickey Mouse knockoff… or poorly costumed Bogeymen with visible zippers and padding.

Join me in wishing a happy 88th birthday to a Hollywood holiday classic!

Revisiting Bette Midler’s Thighs and Whispers (1979)

I was recently perusing an old issue of Blueboy magazine (as one does) when I found an in-depth review of Bette Midler’s 1979 LP Thighs and Whispers. Single-monikered reviewer Dallas certainly had strong feelings about the album. The review is quite a roller coaster ride, describing different aspects of the LP as “a knock-out”, “third-rate disco,” “disco at its finest,” “gives the impression that she has no taste,” “borders on genius,” and many breathless adjectives of adulation and despair.

Bette had been going full steam throughout the late 70’s. This was her third studio LP released in three years, plus the live double album Live At Last, a concert special on HBO, and her TV special Ol Red Hair Is Back, which won Bette her first Emmy award.

I should probably take Dallas’s advice to smoke a joint and listen to the song “Hurricane” again, because unfortunately my weed-free opinion is that the track is utterly forgettable.

Bette spoke about Thighs and Whispers during a 2021 interview with Jim Farber in Parade Magazine. Reflecting on her career, she admitted that she had recorded “some stinkers.” Of the song “Married Men,” she joked; “Please, God, shoot me now!”

Bette Midler sings “Married Men” on the SNL 4th season finale, (5/26/79). Among her backup singers were Katie Sagal and Luther Vandross.

She also mentioned the song “My Knight In Black Leather,” saying “Save me! That was the label saying, ‘You have to record this.’”

Bette has been using “My Knight In Black Leather” as a punchline for decades – not just in interviews but also during her live shows. Reflecting on her career back in 1987, she told an interviewer that she had no regrets:

“I’d do it all over again, just as I did.”

“What about ‘My Knight In Black Leather?'”

“Well,” she said, “that’s the exception. That’s one thing I don’t think I would do again.”

Bette and her Harlettes (Linda Hart, Paulette McWilliams and Franny Eisenberg) performed “My Knight In Black Leather” on the German television show Musikladen (10/18/79)

In defense of the song: it was not supposed to be taken seriously. Should it have been a single? Probably not, but they were trying to get a hit record by tapping into that “Village People *wink-wink, nudge-nudge* we-know-it’s-gay-but-Middle-America-doesn’t” disco energy.

Mister D, head of the BootlegBetty fansite is fond of the LP: “…great album, great cover, great orchestrations, and one cut, ‘Cradle Days’ which I thought is probably her greatest vocals on an album.”

Thighs and Whispers was considered a commercial failure, but ultimately, it was water under the bridge. The film The Rose was released the following month, earning Bette a Golden Globe award and an Oscar nomination. The accompanying soundtrack LP (for those keeping track, that’s 6 albums released in three years) placed her firmly in rock and roll territory. It should be noted that one of the highlights of The Rose – the song “Stay With Me” – was written by Jerry Ragavoy, composer of… “My Knight in Black Leather.”

With an eye towards the 1980’s and the rise of New Wave music, Bette told an interviewer “I think I should jump on every musical bandwagon and really drive people mad, just irritate them to shit so they say ‘She’s such a cow – she’ll jump on any musical bandwagon.’ Why not? I’ll bleach my hair and rip my clothes. I think it’s fun. I’m getting silly in my old age.” This would have to wait 4 years until her next studio album: 1983’s No Frills.

On October 8, 2016, Bette was the special guest at a Forest Hills Stadium show called Nile Rogers’ FOLD (Freak Out Let’s Dance) Festival – a show also featuring his group Chic, The Village People and Earth, Wind, and Fire. Given the theme, I thought Bette might dust off a song from her disco period – 1976’s Strangers In The Night, perhaps. But she didn’t. Her set consisted of her classics: “Friends,” “Do You Want To Dance,” “Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy,” and “Wind Beneath My Wings.” Her final song was a nice surprise: “Route 66,” which she said she had never sung before and had just learned the day before.

This issue of Blueboy also features a full page ad for Elton John’s foray into disco,Victim of Love, which was released the same month as Thighs and Whispers. The album is widely considered to be the low point of his career.

Costello Presley and 80’s Gay Porn Guilty Pleasures

Amy Sedaris is the queen of Instagram – her offbeat posts highlight the weirdly funny and/or oddly sweet. I am just one of her million+ followers. If you need a daily pick-me-up – and who doesn’t at this point? – check out her feed.

A couple of months ago, she posted this:

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Amy Sedaris (@amysedaris)

This clip has more than 300k views, 23,436 likes and 897 comments…. but apparently I’m the only one who doesn’t just click the heart, post “LOL” and move on. No. I’m the gay porn nerd spewing info that the general population really does not give a shit about, pointing out that it’s Eric Manchester & Billy London admiring Dean Chasson’s talents in Head Of The Class (1988). Music by Costello Presley!

The comment garnered no “likes” or “responses” – it just dissipated into the air like a public fart as crickets chirped in the distance. Whoooo cares?

Taking my killjoy vibe to the next level, I would also like to point out that the blond, Billy London, was brutally murdered and dismembered in Hollywood back in 1990. He is sometimes referred to as “The Gay Black Dahlia.” Circus of Books filmmaker Rachel Mason is currently working on a documentary looking into the unsolved crime.

I know I’m not the only one interested in finding out more about these videos. Amy Sedaris reposted this clip from Instagram user @homomacabre, whose followers also care about the minutia. His posts highlight the kitsch of old gay porn, with acting thinner than the flimsy sets, not to mention the tacky period clothes and hairstyles. And then there’s the music of Costello Presley.

I wanted to do a blog post about the mysterious synth-pop wizard who scored several dozen gay porn films in the 80’s and early 90’s, but have not successfully uncovered any info about him, including his true identity. I am not alone in my appreciation of Costello Presley: There are multiple soundcloud files and a reddit post with a filmography of approximately 40 titles that feature his music. A porn-adjacent friend of mine does not remember his real name, but assures me that Mr. Presley has left the building.

In 2017, synth band Parralox did a faithful cover of Costello Presley’s “Animal Reaction” from William Higgins’ Class of ’69.

In addition to Head of the Class, another Scott Masters/Catalina video in the Costello Presley oeuvre is John Travis’s Powerline (1989), which also starred Eric Manchester. This film features one of my favorite unintentionally funny scenes from that era.

I purchased a VHS copy of Powerline while on spring break from college. I had gone into New York City to see a Broadway show with some school friends and was about to head back to Long Island. I couldn’t manage to break away from the group and go into a porn shop, so I said my goodbyes at Penn Station and headed down to the train platform. Once the coast was clear, I ran back up to 8th avenue and went into the first smut shop I could find.

I made my way over to the video racks as a stripper in a silver bikini and stilettoes danced on the mirrored stairs leading to the upper level, beckoning shoppers to partake of something more tangible. I grabbed Powerline and headed to the register. With a $39.99 price tag, it was more than I would normally pay for a porn videocassette but my train was leaving in 5 minutes.

All the “acting” scenes are priceless but this one is my favorite, featuring gay-for-pay cover model Tom Steele as the cable guy with Lou Cass and Troy Ramsey as the couple from downstairs who catch him jerking off on the roof.

Porn legend and uber music fan Lou Cass was a frequent guest on The Robin Byrd Show in the early 90’s when he was dancing in New York. The Bay Area resident still has a strong social media presence and occasionally releases his own music. This is one of several versions of Pat Benatar/Nick Gilder’s “Rated X” that he has recorded through the years:

If and when I find out more information about Costello Presley, I will be sure to update the post.

Madame Spivy: I Brought Culture To Buffalo In The 90’s

Ladies and Gentleman, it is time once again to revisit that late, great dynamic lady of song, Madame Spivy LeVoe (1906-1971), also known simply as Spivy. A lesbian entertainer, nightclub owner and character actress, Spivy has been described as “The Female Noel Coward” – to which I add “…. if he had been born in Brooklyn as Bertha Levine.”

In case you missed them, these are our other Madame Spivy posts:
T he Alley Cat
The Tarantella
Auntie’s Face
100% American Girls
A Tropical Fish
I Didn’t Do A Thing Last Night
Why Don’t You?Madame Spivy: Movies & Television
Madame Spivy on the Good Time Sallies Podcast

Our latest offering is one of her signature songs: “I Brought Culture to Buffalo in the 90’s”. Curiously, on the recording Spivy introduces the song as “Intimate Memories of Buffalo In The 90’s.” This is the fourth side we have profiled from her 1939 album Seven Gay Sophisticated Songs. The lyrics were written by Everett Marcy, who also co-wrote (with Spivy) “Why Don’t You,” another song from the album. Marcy also had a few Broadway writing credits including New Faces of 1936.

The music is credited to Prince Paul Chavchavadze (1899-1971), a writer, translator, and deposed Georgian royal living in New York City. And with that nugget of information, I have to say… whenever I look into the eclectic array of international bohemians associated with Spivy, I am reminded of the party scene at the beginning of Auntie Mame. This is also a fitting scenario considering Spivy later played Mother Burnside in the Broadway production.

Oscar Wilde plays a part in the lyrics of the song, as a guest in the home of our fictional hostess. It should be noted that he did conduct several lecture tours across the U.S., including speaking engagements in Buffalo. One of the topics was “The Decorative Arts.”

I Brought Culture to Buffalo In the 90’s

I Brought Culture to Buffalo in the 90’s. When Wilde was there, he visited my home
I showed him all the glories I’d bought so cheap in Greece
and all the wonders I’d brought home from Rome.
He was spellbound at the splendor of my whatnot and the cigar butt Papa got from General Grant.
He couldn’t tear his eyes from my bay window and the maidenhair beneath the rubber plants.

I Brought Culture to Buffalo in the 90’s – the year I took the iron dog off our lawn.
In its place I put a Venus in a nightie and a rather naughty but authentic faun.
I completely reproduced the Versailles garden though the Erie claimed they had the right of way.
I swore I’d die before a tie was laid to desecrate Versailles. I made Buffalo the place it is today.

I was the first to have a Turkish corner though plenty followed suit, you may be sure.
I produced a pageant based on Jackie Horner and the deficit was given to the poor.
I Brought Culture to Buffalo in the 90’s. I made the natives conscious of the nude.
In my dining room I put “Boy Extracting Thorn From Foot” and my guests that winter scarcely touched their food.

The season that I gave my talks on yoga was one I felt I never could surpass.
I had a negligee cut like a toga and all my candelabra piped for gas.
I Brought Culture to Buffalo in the 90’s. When Wilde was there, he visited my home.
Filled with all the treasures of the ages and a nugget Uncle Nate had sent from Nome.

I showed him all the house right through the garret and said “What one thing does it still require?”
When Oscar looked at me, I could not bear it.
“A match,” he said, “Madame, a match to set the goddamn place on fire!”

This newspaper blurb (courtesy of the Queer Music Heritage page) mentions the song being “rented” to singer Bea Lillie:

No More Chicken Pepperoni: RIP Yvonne Wilder (1937-2021)

Rita Moreno is having a great season, with an acclaimed documentary and an appearance in Steven Spielberg’s remake of West Side Story, which she also executive produced. She celebrated her 90th birthday while making countless appearances on news and talk shows promoting these projects. In sharp contrast, though, the passing of fellow Shark Girl Yvonne Wilder on November 24th seems to have gone relatively unnoticed.

“I know you do!” Yvonne Wilder as Consuelo sings ‘America’ alongside Rita Moreno in the original ‘West Side Story’.

She was still known as Yvonne Othon when she played Consuelo in the 1961 film. Born in the Bronx in 1937 with Cuban/Puerto Rican ancestry, she attended New York’s High School of Performing Arts and the Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts in London before getting cast in the West End production of West Side Story alongside George Chikiris. According to her website, she would go on to play Anita for over 1,500 performances on Broadway and stages around the world.

*Colvin & Wilder on ‘The Hollywood Palace’ (1964)*

Throughout the 1960’s Wilder was partnered professionally with Jack Colvin (1934-2004). As Colvin & Wilder, they were one of the most successful comedy duos of the decade, with appearances across the U.S. on stage and television, including The Dean Martin Show, The Ed Sullivan Show and The Tonight Show, culminating in their farewell appearance at Carnegie Hall in New York City.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=Bp4sPpOK3RM%3Fstart%3D70

Colvin & Wilder on ‘The Hollywood Palace’ (1964)

Colvin & Wilder on ‘Playboy After Dark’ (1969)

Coleman & Wilder reunite for a 1986 episode of ‘Gimme A Break’.

*Yvonne does a “comic rope routine” on the ‘Johnny Cash Presents The Everly Brothers Show’ (July, 1970)*

*In 1971, Wilder and third husband Bob Kelljan co-wrote and co-starred in the cult horror movie ‘The Return of Count Yorga’.*

Over 30 years, Wilder racked up dozens of television appearances on shows including The Mary Tyler Moore Show, The Courtship of Eddie’s Father, Room 222, The Partridge Family, and 227. She was Archie’s girlfriend on Archie Bunker’s Place and co-starred in the sitcom Operation Petticoat with John Astin, Adam West and 19-year-old Jamie Lee Curtis.

*Yvonne Wilder was reunited with Rita Moreno in the ABC series ‘The Rita Moreno Show’. Hamilton Camp co-starred. (1978)*

Wilder is perhaps best remembered for her role as Aurora De La Hoya, housekeeper for Glenda & Ira Parks (Goldie Hawn & Charles Grodin) in Neil Simon’s Seems Like Old Times (1980).

One of Wilder’s final roles before retiring was as the grandmother of the Olsen twins on Full House. She then focused on her work as a watercolor artist and sculptor. Her work was shown at the Santa Monica Art Institute and can be viewed on her website.

Adios, Ms. Wilder. Thank you for all your fine work. And for the chicken pepperoni.

Category: Comedy

March of the Wooden Soldiers: 10 Things You May Not Know About The Classic Film

Madame Spivy: Why Don’t You?

Your Guide To Disposable Gay Holiday Movies

David on The Robin Byrd Show

¿Dónde Está Santa Claus (& Augie Rios)?

March of the Wooden Soldiers: 10 Things You May Not Know About The Classic Film

Revisiting Bette Midler’s Thighs and Whispers (1979)

Costello Presley and 80’s Gay Porn Guilty Pleasures

Madame Spivy: I Brought Culture To Buffalo In The 90’s

No More Chicken Pepperoni: RIP Yvonne Wilder (1937-2021)

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